HARDCORE XXX HERE!
by Alan Smithee
Summary: Irvine attempts to look for porn on the Balamb Garden internet hookup. (Once again, same deal, added: Review all of the ones I do this weekend (assuming I do two plus) and get an exclusive song fic !


It was an uneventful day at Garden. The Sorceress had been defeated, all was well, and Irvine Kinneas just decided to look around the place.  
  
"Damn, this place is pretty big, man. Why didn't I check this before? I mean, come on! I'm good looking, powerful, able to cap punks like that Sorceress in a single bound, why couldn't I find some mama to give me a 'tour' of this place yet?" Irvine thought to himself. He found the elevator and headed back down to his modified bachelor pad in the basement.   
  
"What? Someone went down here? But...but...only members of the 'Clique' have access to the basement!" He noticed a piece of paper on his drawer. "Wait, what's this? A note or something?" He proceeded to go over to his drawer , pick up the paper, and read it.   
  
"To whomever owns this room,  
  
Nice place, bro. I was able to break in with some...tools, and proceed to try and use its skills on some of the ladies. (By the by, Mission accomplished.)...."  
  
"THAT LITTLE WHORE!" Irvine yelled. "No one, but NO ONE, uses my skank-tuary to get women but me!" He continued to read.  
  
"...Well, I digress. The main point is that I want to repay you for the...usage fees. If you look around, you'll definitely see that nothing's been taken from you, well, save for one more person getting use of the place. However, my repayment is as follows. I have taken the liberty to hack into the Garden's Net service. It no longer bars sites by mentally looking at the pictures. Instead, it solely bars from wording. Afterwards, I took some pieces from the strategically placed video cameras I have all around the school and put them onto a Web site using terms that are blunt enough so people would get them, but artistic enough to get by the language censor. The site is Bamf://42.77.137 . Thank you again, 'C.' "  
  
"Who the hell is 'C'?" Irvine asked. "Well, I'll at least check if he's right here. If he isn't, Good Charlotte here is going to have a little fun," Irvine said as he stroked his trusty revolver.  
  
Irvine headed right up to the library. "Okay, no one's seen me yet. Now, to get a primo computer..." He found the first computer that was empty. "Now, to hack into one of my dear friends' accounts..." He quickly typed in "Booyaka" to the computer. "WELCOME, SEFIET0716." "So what if she gets some trouble for this," Irvine thought, "It's her fault for setting up my Screen name as 'SEFIESBITCH.'" He quickly typed in the website address. "WELCOME, SELPHIE, TO THE HOTTEST SITE THAT COULD GET THROUGH THE GARDEN'S CENSORS." He saw a sign saying "ENTER Adult ID." "DAMMIT!" Irvine yelled. "Well, at least there are some free thumbnails..." He clicked on the first one that he saw. "Whoa, wait, isn't that the chick Zell's got it bad for, you know, That...one....from..." Suddenly, one of the library girls headed over to Irvine's computer. "Irvine!" she shouted as he attempted to cover the screen. "What's going on! What's this about Zell?" "WHAT'S UP!" Irvine shouted. "Nope, nothing's going on over here, no, Zell's fine, what? This? Oh, I just LOVE Balamb Garden's technology, well, See ya, BYE!" She walked away from the computer. "Damn, she is just TOO hot for Zell to ever be able to use to the fullest..." Irvine remarked. He proceeded to look around the site. "Whoa, this is just hot. If I was a bit more of a jerk, I could use these pictures to make some money or get more women....Who's there?" "IRVY!" Selphie shouted as Irvine tried to cover the screen. "Listen, could you do me a HUGE favor? My password doesn't work right now for some reason and I have to update my site. Couldja let me borrow your screen name?" "It's Exeter, now couldja please leave me be?" Irvine asked. "Okay!" Selphie replied. She typed in the password and headed to her site. "Dammit, now how do I do this? Eh, luckily she's in her own world when she's on that computer. Now, to finish the thumbnails..." Suddenly, an older figure showed up behind him. "Mr. Kinneas!" "Oh crap, it's Cid...." Irvine thought. "What are you up to, my good man?" "Oh, all right, Cid, I WAS DOWNLOADING PORN!" Irvine shouted loudly. The library burst out in laughter. Cid broke it up. "Carry on, then. Would you like access to my printer afterwards?" 


End file.
